WASHINGTON — The U.S. Department of Homeland Security shocked the nation last week, as Secretary Markwayne Mullin announced plans to halt all international flights to US cities containing bike lanes in a press conference Thursday morning. “I can’t stand those fucking things,” an agitated Mullin told reporters. “So pretentious, a whole section of the road reserved for some asshole in booty-shorts. Well, frankly that is not the kind of image these great United States want to po

This year, I had the unfortunate privilege of securing a press pass to the 2026 White House Easter Egg Roll. I had never possessed any intention of actually attending the event, but mushroom chocolates have a way of taking you to unexpected places. While the celebration was overall very entertaining, the evening presented one challenge that I could’ve done without. I was, in a word, deeply disturbed by the official White House Easter Bunny’s incessant requests to see my paper