Politics

AMAZON WAREHOUSE (DFX5) — Workers at Illinois Amazon Warehouse (DFX5) were shocked last payday to find Amazon was no longer offering compensation in the form of the U.S. Dollar. Instead offering employees compensation in the form of Scrip or Company Money, that they are able to redeem exclusively through Amazon Prime. An anonymous Packer from within the facility gave this statement to press. “How am I supposed to pay my rent in Amazon gift cards? I tried to sell my landlord

NEW YORK — Former New York City Mayor entered a bed-bound frenzy last night after failing to deduce which nurse in his hospital room is secretly Borat, intubated sources confirm. “Don’t think you can just pull a fast one over on me, I’m America’s mayor!” shouted a manic Giuliani in between doses of Ativan. “I know a setup when I see one. I knew it in that damn hotel room, and I know it now! Any minute now, when I’m at my most vulnerable, some sicko wearing lingerie is going t

TRENTON, NJ — Last month, the Trenton PD’s brand-new K-9 unit hit the streets, marking the first deployment of police dogs in the city’s history. The dogs have been assisting the local police force in routine duties across the city. The dogs, as they report, have been “extremely proud” to join the fight to uphold the Thin Grey Line between order and chaos. “We're ecstatic to finally be joining the Boys in Grey here in Trenton.” said officer Rex, a loose-cannon English Greyho