MICHIGAN — Lettuce Farmer Arthur Ferris recently came clean. With the recent outbreak of stomach parasites spreading across the U.S. Arthur knew it was only a matter of time before it would be traced back to him. Looking to avoid jail time, Arthur gave the police this statement, “I’VE BEEN SHITTING IN THE LETTUCE FIELD FOR YEARS!” Arthur screamed in between sobs. “I have nearly 1,500 acres that I’m maintaining. If I’m all the way at the far end of the pasture and nature calls