LOVE ISLAND — Season 8 of Love Island recently came to an end, with Bryce and Trinity winning the $100,000 grand prize. As the contestants and camera crews pack up and leave, the natives of Love Island have once again been left to pick up the pieces. But how did this once beautiful island come to be terrorized year after year by a reality dating franchise. Love Island Anthropologist and lifelong native Devo Adora gave us an in-depth look into the island's tumultuous past. “L

STATEN ISLAND — Local mother Constance Holeman was stunned last Tuesday after a parent teacher conference at Richmond Middle School. According to teachers, Holeman's eleven-year-old son Aran was deemed functionally Illiterate. “I was thrilled!” Said Holeman, “I was worried for a while that my baby boy was just going to be another nobody, but his teachers told me that due to his record-low reading comprehension scores he’s being moved straight to the school's 'Influencer tra

TOBY’S TOY’S, CHICAGO — Like many toy stores, Toby’s is a place for joy. A place where dreams come true and excited kids get to take home their favorite toys. But for one such toy this is also a place of existential dread. “When I was first shipped in I thought I was the same as any other Rubix Cube. But then as we were all getting put on the shelf, I found out something different was in store for me. Toby himself takes me out of my box and puts me back on the shelf naked as