THE MOON — United States forces carried out a series of devastating airstrikes targeting the Moon’s South Pole last week in a move that U.S. Central Command justified as “precautionary and undoubtedly necessary.” “I can assure the American people that last week’s airstrikes on the moon were absolutely essential to ensuring the continued safety of our great nation.” explained CENTCOM spokesman Darrel Healey. “After NASA’s recent announcement regarding plans to construct a so-c

SHEPHERDSVILLE, Ky. — Amidst a bundle of grocery store ads, insurance scams, and flyers from internet service providers, one piece of mail in particular, sent from the so-called "Selective Service System", stuck out to local man John Passinissi, sources in denial report. "I mean it can't be real, right?" said Passinissi, pausing intermittently to stare at nothing. "It's gotta be spam... right? It has to be... It-- I get so much mail claiming this, that, or the other, but it's