MADISON SQUARE GARDEN, N.Y. — President Trump was severely injured following a mishap during the half time show of game three of the NBA finals. The 79 year-old was attempting to dunk a basketball alongside the famous New York Knicks City Dancers, when all hell broke loose. Actor and reporter for the Associated Jest, Timothée Chalamet was seated front row and recounted the evening's events. “It was nuts man. We go into halftime and the Knicks are up. Then the arena gets dark

EVANSTON, IL — Dozens of children were left traumatized after an incident at a Sky Zone trampoline park this Wednesday. Eyewitnesses confirmed that after buying a wristband and donning his orange socks, 28 year-old Brandon Chastane jumped headfirst into the foam pit. After several minutes without surfacing, Sky Zone employee Jeremy Renolyds performed an emergency rescue. Later giving this statement to press. “You could tell something was off the second he walked in. We work