Trump Destroys Trampoline in Halftime Disaster

MADISON SQUARE GARDEN, N.Y. — President Trump was severely injured following a mishap during the half time show of game three of the NBA finals. The 79 year-old was attempting to dunk a basketball alongside the famous New York Knicks City Dancers, when all hell broke loose. Actor and reporter for the Associated Jest, Timothée Chalamet was seated front row and recounted the evening's events. 

“It was nuts man. We go into halftime and the Knicks are up. Then the arena gets dark and the City Dancers bring out this tiny little trampoline. I’m thinking it’s gonna be one of those acrobatic things where they have a row of people dunk the ball. But then the announcer comes on.” 

“LADIES AND GENTLEMAN IN CELEBRATION OF THE 250TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE UNITED STATES, AND HIS OWN 80TH BIRTHDAY, HERE TO DUNK A BASKETBALL FROM THE FREETHROW LINE, THE 47TH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. DOONNNNNNNNAAAALLDDDDDDDDDD TRRRUUUUUMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPP” 

“Then nobody said shit man. No cheers, nothing. Just an 80 year old man exiting the locker room to Here Comes the Boom.” said Chalamet

The President then squared himself up at half court and got a running start. Leaping onto the trampoline with his arms outstretched. The trampoline immediately buckled under The President's weight. Folding in on itself, and rocketing the President away from the hoop and into the stands. 

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said Chalamet. “Kevin Hart was seated next to me and the President landed right on him. I heard a crunch and quickly realized we're never get another Jumanji movie.” 

The President stayed on the ground for several minutes covering the body of now deceased Kevin Hart. Before members of the secret service finally returned the President to his box seat so the game could resume. 

“The Knicks never really recovered,” said Chalamet. “I mean how could you come back from something like that. I heard some of the City Dancers quit on the spot. They held out the best they could, but the embarrassment of the half time show clearly got to them and the Spurs ended up taking it.” 

At press time, the President is currently in intensive care but unfortunately remains stable. After regaining consciousness the President repeatedly asked “Did it look cool?”. Both the President’s knee caps were fully shattered in the accident. But he assured press that it would not interfere with his duties as President. “If that bum FDR can govern in a wheelchair then anyone can do it”. The President plans to retry the dunk at the upcoming UFC event on the White House lawn. Confident that a “home court advantage” will lead to a successful attempt.