PINE BLUFF, Ark. — A true stand-out player in the Pine Bluff Community Center Men's Recreational League, local shooting guard Derek Sawyer, 36, has reportedly never lost a game to 4-time NBA Most Valuable Player Lebron James of the Los Angeles Lakers. "What can I say?" posited Sawyer while pump-faking an imaginary defender, "I never lose. Never. Especially to LeBron. How many people can really say that? Everybody hypes LeBron as a legend, a titan of the game, but he's never b

2.5 Stars. Why are they dancing? The Pats are losing.

PHILADELPHIA, PA — Philadelphia's beloved baseball mascot has made no secret of his battle with long term illness over the years. Decades of chronic substance abuse combined with generational inbreeding have taken a heavy toll on the physical and mental health of the Phanatic. After the Phanatic was admitted to the emergency room late on Sunday, the Phillies received a letter of intent from the University of Pennsylvania stating “Dibs” on the oversized muppet's carcass. Presi

FRANKLIN COUNTY, Ind. -- Former high school quarterback James Bahl "totally could have gone pro" if not for a career-ending interest in the law, bar-certified sources confirm. "I remember just before my senior season started. I was eighteen, and I had just been called to jury duty for the first time." said Bahl, "I remember sitting in that jury box, watching the attorneys fight for their clients. I thought, 'hey I could do that, and I wouldn't need to get hit in the head ever