WASHINGTON — The United States of America remains reportedly resolute in acting as if Republican Senator Mitch McConnell is still alive despite mounting evidence to the contrary, sources you can definitely trust report. “Senator McConnell is more alive than anyone has ever been.” White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt assured reporters Friday evening. “Just this morning, I saw him doing cartwheels in front of the Capitol building. The man is fine, great actually. We’ve

WASHINGTON — Former DHS Secretary Kristi Noem has been handpicked to lead a local kill shelter close to the Capitol, President Trump announced in a press conference Saturday. The move comes after President Trump's removal of Kristi Noem from her post as head of Homeland Security last week, with President Trump expressing high hopes for her new position. "Frankly, I think Kristi is going to do very well in her new role." said President Trump, "She was doing absolutely spectacu

LONDON — Former CIA Agents Black Spy and Niegel "Numbuh 1" Uno blew the whistle on the United States' notorious intelligence agency last week during an appearance on the British podcast The Diary of a CEO. The two ex-agents' appearance came hot on the tails of a similar interview with former CIA agent John Kiriakou on the same show, though each guest took a markedly different approach to the interview in comparison to Kiriakou. "My time with the agency was wonderful." reveale

WASHINGTON -- Last week, Democrats in both the House and Senate held out against their Republican counterparts, demanding immediate ICE reform However, several Congressional Democrats have already confirmed that they are willing to settle for much, much less. "Obviously, we hope to finally put a stop to the atrocities being carried out by the DHS." said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries, "But at the same time, diplomacy is all about compromise, and we're willing to give u