Baby Stoked For Ms. Rachel Album Drop

DETROIT, MI — Local ten month old Frankie Johnson knows he’s pretty a fussy baby. But, like many fussy babies, there’s always been one thing that could turn his cries to giggles. Ms. Rachel has been an online children's entertainer and educator since 2019. Frankie, like many babies, is a big fan. 

“Life ain’t easy for a baby,” said Frankie. “But when that bright pink ray of sunshine graces my iPad, I just know everything is gonna be ok. I could have a diaper packed full of the strangest smelling shit ever to come out an ass, but when she’s singing them siren songs about colors and numbers, I’m transported.” 

So it was no surprise when after the announcement of her debut album release, Frankie was beyond hyped. 

“I think when I got the news I shit, like I was so excited I took a shit right then and there. These past couple months in particular have been pretty rough for me. I was just getting used to this whole life outside the womb thing. But now all of the sudden I got these damn teeth coming in and I've just been pissed off and in pain all week now. I’ve got a lot of my mental health riding on the release of this new album.” 

The album titled I’m So Happy was scheduled for release on September 25th. The day of its release babies everywhere flooded record stores looking to pick up the exclusive Bubble Pop Pink Picture Disc with never before heard outtakes and skits. Frankie was one of the first babies in line to get his chubby little hands on a copy. 

“I had camped out all night for this shit. Me and a couple of fellas from day care decided to take shifts in line. By the time the store opened we were the first ones in there. It was a good thing too because this thing sold out fast. I wasn’t surprised in the least. Ms. Rachel has always been there for us, so I’ve no doubt that her fan base has no problem showing up for her as well, so long as Mom doesn’t mind making the drive.” 

Initial sales of the album show an unprecedented demand. It is expected to be weeks before music stores across the country are able to get Ms. Rachel back on the shelves. The Recording Industry Association of America watched in awe as the record immediately went quadruple platinum, an achievement the association has since dubbed, “going pink”. 

At press time, babies across the country have either had their dreams come true, or had them dashed to the ground. Stores across America are still unable to keep the new album on the shelves. Babies who have gotten the album have been leaving rave reviews, like Frankie who described it as, “ A revelation for my half formed senses. A trip around the world without having to leave my crib. Ms. Rachel has done it again.”