Costco Announces Hot Dog Membership

ISSAQUAH, WA — Costco has become known for many things. Wholesale selling of bulk goods, passable Kirkland knockoff products, but nothing quite so infamous as the $1.50 hot dog. Costco CEO Ron Vachris knows how passionate people are about these dawgs. In a press conference held on Monday he said, 

“Any of our members know, people will damn near fight each other for these dawgs. Well let me tell ya, things are about to get so much worse.” 

Vachris announced that in response to surveys of member spending, Costco will be launching a new tier of membership. The “Dawg Card” will be available for an annual fee of $45, giving the recipient access to unlimited Costco hot dogs for one year. 

“We took a look at the numbers, and 95% of Costco members are just coming here for a hot dog" said Vachris. "We understand that as the economy crumbles, the elevated initial cost of bulk goods begins to outweigh the long term savings. So we wanted to offer our most popular item to as many people as possible in these uncertain times.” 

Across all their warehouse stores Costco sells roughly 547,000 hotdogs everyday. With the release of the Dawg Card, that number is expected to reach well over a million. Costco members across the country are already expressing their excitement. Including 35 Year Old single Becky Osterman who gave this statement, 

“Finally, one thing that makes sense in this world. I live by myself, I got a Costco membership a few years back thinking I might try and meal prep or something. I did once or twice, but after a while it got pretty tiresome, now I end up just going there for a hot dog. Do I need 10 pounds of ground beef? No, but do I need a $1.50 hot dog? You better believe that my sanity hinges on it.”

At press time, Costco expects to roll out the Dawg Card just in time for Christmas. Many stores across the country have begun expanding their kitchens and food courts. Some stores have even adopted Dawg Card holder drive throughs, where members could grab a dawg through the window of their moving car.