Man Drunk at Lake Has it All Figured Out

LAKE MCCONAUGHY, NEBRASKA — Located just 8 miles northeast of Ogallala Nebraska sits Nebraska’s largest reservoir, Lake McConaughy. A beautiful body of water that has served as a getaway for Mechanic Freddie Dawson, for nearly two decades. It was during his latest trip, sitting lakeside, toes in the water, four beers deep, that Dawson had a revelation. 

“Man this is it” said Dawson. “There have been times where I leave a 14 shift at work and wonder what it’s all for. Why is this the only place in the universe where consciousness has developed, and what should I be doing with the incredible gift of sentience? This is the answer. I have been brought forth from the ether to sit lakeside and get blasted.” 

Dawson claims that there is no higher purpose to existence than smashing back a couple of cold ones before noon and going for a swim. However not everyone agrees with him. Venture Capitalist and Crypto Investor David Holster claims that no sensory experience on the planet can compare to the satisfaction of the grind. 

“Sure that dope might be happy just sitting there for a little while,” said Holster. “Give it a couple of hours and I’m sure he’ll be calling me up begging for a job or a tip on the next hot trade. We as humans thrive on purpose, we are designed to move from one task to the next until eventually we die. The only way I’m ever sticking my toes in the sand is if we’re about to be selling clips for $20 a pop.” 

Despite Holster’s digs at his new way of life, Dawson was unbothered. Choosing instead to drunkenly dig a really big hole, just for fun.

“I don’t expect everyone to get it,” said Dawson. “But for those of you who doubt my way of living, I invite you to try it for yourself. We find ourselves born into a world in motion. Many people pride themselves on being fighters, they find meaning in their struggle. But for some, the greatest act of resistance can be taking time to be still. Saying no to the pull of the rest of the world, and taking time for yourself. Getting so drunk you puke all over yourself, then stumbling into the water to wash up.” 

At press time, Holster accepted Dawson’s challenge and gave the drunken lake lifestyle a try. He was found dead later that evening.