ATHENS, Ga. — Tragedy struck a local Zaxby’s last week when part-time fry cook James DuPage, 17, tragically passed away just moments before he could accept a coworker’s closing shift, panicked sources report. “Wait, does this mean I have to go in tomorrow?” asked DuPage’s distressed coworker Colin Montgomery. “Shit, I was gonna go see Hayley Williams with my girlfriend; she’s gonna be so pissed. Are we sure he didn’t accept the request? Has anybody checked? I mean rest in pea

CLEVELAND — The vibes in the office turned abysmal this morning as local Sales Rep Johnathan Webster discovered not a single one of his coworkers talking about WrestleMania. “I just can’t believe what I’m not hearing.” said Webster, unable to stand still. “How is nobody talking about the biggest event of the year? Not one person has asked me what matches I had money on. Nobody even pretended to hit me with an RKO. The only logical explanation is I’m being pranked. Everybody’s

HARRIS COUNTY, Tx. — Following months of searching for a job that might actually pay a living wage, local woman Tracy Paulson is now entering the third hour of her application for a local Target, desperate sources confirm. “It started out simple enough,” said Paulson, 23. “Resumé, cover letter, the usual rigamarole. But then, things took a turn. They started asking me to type out my experience, my education, my contact info; you know, things you could easily find on the resum

BOISE, ID — Last Tuesday in trying to keep up with recent trends online, Robert Falter lost three fingers to an 18th century Power Loom. The trend has been dubbed online as Trad Husbandry and encourages men to seek out more traditionally masculine jobs like Textile Factory Worker, or Non Union Coal Miner. Mr. Falter further detailed the trend while medical professionals attempted to salvage the remains of his hand. “Well it all started when I started seeing all these “Trad

AURORA, IL — 18-Year-Old Elijah Cedar was thrilled when after a nerve-wracking interview, they were hired part-time, at Jumpstreet Trampoline Park. Now six years later at the age of 24, this same job has become a major detriment to Elijah’s mental health. Like many elder Gen Z, Elijah has struggled finding gainful employment. In order to make ends meet, they’ve had to take on a number of part time jobs that have been less than fulfilling, as they will no doubt tell you. “Thi

ARBY’S KITCHEN -- Last night, amidst the final stretch of the midnight drive-thru dinner rush, experienced line cook Jeff proposed the staff engage in a discussion of global conflicts to make the work fly by. Rookie cashier Luis Fonz chimed into the conversation shouting, “Oh yeah, what’s happening in Sudan right now is crazy dude, glad the RSF is protecting the communities and citizens that really matter, finally some half decent change is happening around there.” He said w