Local Teen Dies Before Shift Swap Accepted

ATHENS, Ga. — Tragedy struck a local Zaxby’s last week when part-time fry cook James DuPage, 17, tragically passed away just moments before he could accept a coworker’s closing shift, panicked sources report.

“Wait, does this mean I have to go in tomorrow?” asked DuPage’s distressed coworker Colin Montgomery. “Shit, I was gonna go see Hayley Williams with my girlfriend; she’s gonna be so pissed. Are we sure he didn’t accept the request? Has anybody checked? I mean rest in peace, he was a good guy and all that, but does anyone happen to know where his phone is?”

Shortly after DuPage was found in his apartment, a representative for the Athens-Clarke County Coroner’s Office clarified the circumstances surrounding the teen’s mysterious death in a conversation with reporters.

“It would seem DuPage suffered from a very rare heart condition that had unfortunately gone undetected until it was too late.” explained Medical Examiner Janine Cicero. “It’s extremely tragic and sudden what happened to this young man. It appears DuPage was enjoying a nice evening just like any other, watching reruns of Community with his dog when his heart gave out. Evidence from the scene of the incident suggests he was also just about to accept a shift trade request from a coworker on his cellphone. It is unclear at this time where the cellphone has ended up, or who will be closing the kitchen at Zaxby’s this evening.”

At press time, Colin is eagerly wondering what you, the reader, are doing tonight between the hours of 5pm and 2am.