SALEM, OR — 46-year-old Elise Murphey finally had enough the night of March 2nd. After repeated requests that her boyfriend Isaiah Wiggins, 41, better contribute to maintaining a clean living space, it became clear that words would not be enough. Unsure of what actions would best communicate her dissatisfaction, inspiration would come from the apartment's third inhabitant, 3-year-old Tabby cat named Governor Greg Abbot.  “I came home from a thirteen-hour shift and there, righ

UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MEDICAL CENTER  — 25 Year Old Spencer Carlisle was admitted to an urgent care late Wednesday night, displaying a wide array of symptoms. After a battery of testing, professionals within the facility were unable to diagnose the root cause of any of Spencer's ailments and he was then airlifted to The University of Chicago Medical Center for intensive care. While at the facility, Spencer was prescribed miscellaneous pills which seemed to do the trick. But a

DENVER -- A recent study out of the University of Colorado Denver found that this smoke circle has more heads than blunts, University researchers report. "After analyzing the smoke session for an extended period of time, we noticed something was seriously wrong." said Ron Pratt of CU Denver's Humanities Department. "It would appear that at least one stoner, possibly even multiple, showed up to the sesh, but failed to bring shit to smoke. We believe these individuals arrived w

Pigeon Forge, Tenn. -- "Do you hear that? That noise is back." reported local man Nathan Gutierrez Monday night. Despite reporters not being able to hear anything out of the ordinary, Nathan attempted to describe the nuisance. "You don't hear that? It's like a hum," said Gutierrez, 26. "Or maybe like a buzzing? Yeah it's like a buzzing noise, but high-pitched. You guys seriously can't hear that? You've gotta be kidding me. It's so loud. What is that?" Gutierrez further explai

CLEVELAND 一 Tensions have reportedly escalated at the home of Chicago native Thomas Bergman as he and his cat, Pancake, disagree about the fundamental nature of his W2 Tax Form, sources confirm. “I could tell it piqued his interest from the second I opened it. At first, I thought he was just taking more of a hands-on-the-wheel approach to the household’s finances,” Bergman recalled. “But the second I left the room, I heard all kinds of commotion coming from the kitchen table.