Study Finds More Heads Than Blunts

DENVER -- A recent study out of the University of Colorado Denver found that this smoke circle has more heads than blunts, University researchers report.

"After analyzing the smoke session for an extended period of time, we noticed something was seriously wrong." said Ron Pratt of CU Denver's Humanities Department. "It would appear that at least one stoner, possibly even multiple, showed up to the sesh, but failed to bring shit to smoke. We believe these individuals arrived with the intentions of mooching off of other, more responsible, stoners in the group."

One bum the group identified, Danny Monroe, agreed to speak with the jest about the study.

"Uh, yeah, I just didn't have any weed on me, my dealer's out of town." said Monroe, 31. "Plus, I can't roll for shit, so I was hoping somebody would lend me a couple hits. I swear I'll get 'em back later."

Unfortunately for Monroe, his better-prepared counterparts weren't feeling too charitable on the night in question.

"Share? Does this look like Sesame Street?" said Zoe Eberhart between drags of a beautiful 3 gram Swisher. This shit is expensive. If you want to smoke, you better bring some weed. You can't just show up empty-handed, expecting to get some Universal Basic Loud."

At press time, Monroe is clawing at the ground, searching desperately for a roach with even the scarcest bit of green.