Fireworks Display Clarifies It Does Not Support Current Administration

MILWAUKEE, WI — It’s the Fourth of July, and the 250th Anniversary of our country. Despite the summer heat waves, many cities are preparing their fireworks displays for this evening. However, with growing trends relating nationalism to right wing extremism, it’s tough to sound patriotic while still making clear you don’t support authoritarians. However Chief Aaron D. Lipski of the Milwaukee Fire Department, has found a creative solution to the problem. 

“It’s tough these days to make it clear that wanting better for your country doesn’t mean you’re not a patriot,” Said Lipski. “Criticisms of specific politicians or policies have come to be viewed as unamerican. In my opinion, complaining about your country is the most American thing you can do. So we’ve decided to do just that with our fireworks display this year.”

The display is scheduled to depict several text based explosions. Intended to clarify to onlookers that, while this is a great display of nationalism, we do not support the wrongs our country continues to perpetrate. 

“We thought of keeping it simple,” said Lipski. “FUCK ICE, or TRUMPS A PEDOPHILE. Spelled out across the sky. But at the end of the day it is a family show, and we had to keep it tasteful. We played around with the idea of spelling out the entire unredacted Epstein files. But our show can only be an hour.” 

Working in tandem with the Milwaukee Chamber of Commerce Creative Team. Lipski was able to settle on a design for the big finale that everyone is sure to enjoy. The Chamber of Commerce along with Milwaukee FD,  and PD. Gave this statement in preparation for the fourth. 

“Hello fellow Milwaukeean’s! This Fourth of July we know you all will be partying hard. We here at the Milwaukee Chamber of Commerce are already plastered! But we want to emphasize a few key safety tips. 

1. ALL CONSUMER FIREWORKS ARE ILLEGAL IN MILWAUKEE. We know you crazy fucks have already bought your shit and are ready to loose a couple fingers, but we gotta say it. 

2. Any citizen over the age of 21 in the state of Wisconsin is required to have a Blood Alcohol Concentration of 2.0. For 24 hours before and after the fourth. 

3. Finally, In the very likely event you become too drunk to hold a lighter to a fuse. Feel free to stumble your way to any one of the major fireworks displays put on by the city. 

At press time, Preparations are nearly complete for this evening's show and it is sure to be a doozie. We here at the Associated Jest have already got $75 of illegal fireworks and enough beer to finish out the weekend. Happy Fourth of July!