But W-2 Form Cat's Favorite Toy

CLEVELAND 一 Tensions have reportedly escalated at the home of Chicago native Thomas Bergman as he and his cat, Pancake, disagree about the fundamental nature of his W2 Tax Form, sources confirm.

“I could tell it piqued his interest from the second I opened it. At first, I thought he was just taking more of a hands-on-the-wheel approach to the household’s finances,” Bergman recalled. “But the second I left the room, I heard all kinds of commotion coming from the kitchen table. Come to find out, Pancake had full Randy Orton’ed the form off the table and behind the trash can.”

The W2, while not completely destroyed, was no longer in a state accepted by the IRS. In the eyes of Pancake however, the tax document was close to reaching its “final form.”

“The way I see things, I’m a prisoner,” Pancake revealed in an exclusive

interview with the Associated Jest. “What few moments of joy I have in a day are derived from the basest of stimuli. If a new item is introduced to me, I am bound by my instincts to view it as prey, stalk it, and pounce with the fervor of my ancestors. If that item happens to be of import to my owner; key word there, owner…I say we call it an occupational hazard.” 

Samantha Mowrey, Bergman’s girlfriend, corroborates Pancake’s seemingly intentional history of misinterpreting valuable keepsakes as toys.

“For our 1 year anniversary, I got Thomas a Daniel Craig-worn Windsor Tie from Skyfall, encased in a silver frame with a crosshair embossed in the glass. I was really proud of it. A week after giving the gift, Thomas found the frame shattered and the tie shredded underneath the couch,” Mowrey lamented. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think Pancake was jealous of the love Thomas and I found.”

Pancake gave no comment on the story from Ms. Mowrey, but gave a retort to the accusation of jealousy.

“Look, I’m a 7 year old cat. They’ve been together a year. I don’t think…you know what, I’ll let the readers interpret that however they want,” said Pancake.

Bergman has since purchased a filing cabinet with a locking mechanism for tax forms, identification, and other important documents. To ease tensions in the household, Bergman also purchased a tall cat tree for Pancake, but tells The Jest it’s backfired, noting an increase in glossy-eyed leering.