Trad Husband Maimed in Factory

BOISE, ID  — Last Tuesday in trying to keep up with recent trends online, Robert Falter lost three fingers to an 18th century Power Loom. The trend has been dubbed online as Trad Husbandry and encourages men to seek out more traditionally masculine jobs like Textile Factory Worker, or Non Union Coal Miner. Mr. Falter further detailed the trend while medical professionals attempted to salvage the remains of his hand. 

“Well it all started when I started seeing all these “Trad Wife” videos on my feed. I thought it sounded sick and encouraged my wife to try it out. But as it turns out, the Trad Wife thing really only works if you both go into it together.” 

Mr. Falter was unaware that in order to have the Trad Wife of his dreams, his wife Georgia Falter, would need to quit her high paying job at the ad agency that covered nearly all of the couple's bills. Georgia detailed the moment she told her husband the news to press. 

“He pitched it to me and I thought, sweet!. Never go into work again. But the moment we started actually talking logistics I realized that he had no intention of stepping in and being the sole provider. I told him, I’ve been doing it for years and have been more than happy. But he insisted that I go the traditional route, so I encouraged him to do the same.” 

On the recommendation of his wife, Robert abandoned his burgeoning career as a screenwriter. Instead, finding a job at JPA Textile Mill. The only factory in the area willing to hire him. It wasn’t long before he found out why. Foreman of the mill Frank Kingsly told press how Roberts' first week was less than impressive. 

“I get the word from the higher-ups that they hired some new kid. I think great…one more greenhorn that I’m gonna have to break in right as the busy season is starting. Then I see that they wanted him stationed on Ol’ Betsy, and I figured they wanted this kid dead. Betsy is an original 1785 Power Loom, one of the very first ever built. The goddamn thing runs on steam! She’s killed upwards of a dozen men, but the number is likely much higher as we only started keeping track in the eighties.” 

After barely surviving his training shift, Robert was near ready to call it quits. However after talking it over with Georgia, he was convinced that perhaps he could do one more shift at the mill. His next shift would prove to be his last, when after only twenty minutes alone on the factory floor Betsy claimed Roberts' hand. Most of the machines' more dangerous parts were designed exclusively to be worked on by children. The minimal space between moving parts proved to be too small for Robert's adult hands, and three of his digits were ripped clean off. 

At press time, Foreman Frank Kingsly is hunting below the machine's inner workings in search of Robert's fingers. But distinguishing Roberts’ fingers from the hundreds rotting below the machine proved to be a near impossible task. Medical professionals are attempting to salvage what little remains of the hand. Despite his dire situation Robert is thrilled to see that documentation of his experience is blowing up on social media, and both he and his wife will never have to work again.