Kid Who Made Your iPhone Sorry It's Slow Sometimes

HONG KONG — Local child and full-time iPhone manufacturer Mei Song apologized deeply to Apple customers last week, stating she was “immeasurably sorry” that the iPhone 17 is not quite as fast as users hoped, overworked sources report.

“My heart goes out to every valued customer who was affected by these performance issues,” said Song, 9. “Quality Control is integral to our operations here at the shop, but sometimes, even we make mistakes. We love the work we do, but we work long, tireless nights all year long, doing everything we can to make the next iPhone spectacular, but every now and then, a performance issue might slip through the cracks. It’s unfortunate, and we regret it, but that’s the nature of the industry.”

While some online were dismissive of Song’s apology, many have shown great appreciation for Song’s acknowledgement of the issue.

“Finally somebody’s taking responsibility,” opined X user @techmech28. “SO tired of rando tech CEO’s and middle men pretending to care about fan concerns or ignoring them completely. So nice to hear from the actual CREATOR of these phones and to know that we’re being listened to!”

The warm reception to Song’s apology is no surprise to those who know her, as Song’s boss Shop Foreman Su Yan Shen.

“We’ve known for a long time now that Mei is special.” said Shen, 11. “She’s just a real hard worker and a great kid. Mei’s average rate of production is about 18 phones per week, which is miles ahead of so many girls her age. And she’s got so much spirit. Most kids get into this job and it just breaks them. Like immediately. But not Mei. She just loves doing the work. She’s always got a smile on her face, no matter how much her knuckles bleed or her eyes ache from squinting strenuously at these tiny computer components. She’s an animal, and someday we’re all gonna be working for her.”

At press time, Song has been promoted to Chief Shop Engineer, netting a highly coveted salary of ¥1 ($0.15 USD) per week.