Devastating! Nobody at Work Talking About WrestleMania

CLEVELAND — The vibes in the office turned abysmal this morning as local Sales Rep Johnathan Webster discovered not a single one of his coworkers talking about WrestleMania.

“I just can’t believe what I’m not hearing.” said Webster, unable to stand still. “How is nobody talking about the biggest event of the year? Not one person has asked me what matches I had money on. Nobody even pretended to hit me with an RKO. The only logical explanation is I’m being pranked. Everybody’s pulling a big old joke on Johnathan again, I just know it.”

Jonathan’s boss, however, quickly shot down the allegations of a prank in a conversation with reporters.

“A prank? No, I can’t imagine that’s what this is,” said Director of Sales Patrick Namuth. “I think it’s much more likely that nobody cares about wrestling anymore. I, for one, had no idea WrestleMania was this weekend. Until now, I just assumed the WWE went out of business during COVID.”

Although, it would seem not everyone in the office has forgotten professional wrestling’s biggest night, as Office Administrator Cal Kimball explained.

“There was a time in this office when wrestling was everything,” Kimball recalled. “You came into work the day after WrestleMania and you just felt it in the air. Guys were shadow-boxing in the break-room, everybody was talking in Dolph Ziggler one-liners. It was electric. But the culture’s changed. Nobody cares about the WWE anymore, it’s all about E-Sports and poker now.”

At press time, Webster is beginning to wonder if this is all some bad dream.