Congress Divides Into Shirts and Skins

WASHINGTON D.C. — The House returned from a five week recess on Monday. They originally planned to discuss the vital federal funding bill necessary to keep the government open. However, after roughly 15 minutes of conversation the house took an additional more traditional recess. Outside a game of capture the flag quickly ensued, within minutes speaker of the house Mike Johnson had his shirt off and claimed, 

“WE CALL SKINS! Jim Jordan! Tom Cole! Get over here!” 

A school yard pick to determine the teams split the house of representatives roughly around party lines. Former speaker of the house Nancy Pelosi was last pick. With the Democratic representatives as Shirts and the Republicans as Skins the game began. With 435 representatives in The House, the game was set to be the most legendary in the history of capital hill. But with only 218 members present on the day the game was pretty mild at first. But then something miraculous happened. 

“We were in the chamber just legislating away,” said Senate Majority Leader John Thune. “But then we looked outside and saw the house of representatives out there having a ball. So I called a recess for us as well.” 

Senate Majority Leader John Thune then yelled “REPUBLICANS SHIRTS OFF AND TO THE FIELD!” not looking to see his fellow democrats get mobbed on the playground Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer cried out “DEMOCRATS TO BATTLE!”. Of the 100 total U.S. Senators, all 35 present who were able to run joined the game. 

“The game looked pretty epic.” said Vice President J.D. Vance. “I tried to join in but everyone screamed when I tried to take my shirt off. So I just sat on the sidelines and picked grass.” 

The game lasted for two hours when, in the first bipartisan agreement made in years, both sides agreed it was a tie. The House and The Senate then spent the rest of the afternoon laughing and romping around in the fields of capital hill. 

At press time, The House and Senate have gone back to “work”. A government shutdown is looking more and more likey. The Supreme Court was eager to weigh in on the issue, after they finish their pickup game in the Supreme Basketball Court.