Elon Musk Loses Entire Trillion on Bus

BOCA CHICA, Texas — Tragedy struck the Northbound 52 bus last week as weird tech mogul and world’s first trillionaire Elon Musk lost his entire fortune while commuting to his Boca Chica home, frantic sources report.

“I just had it! You’ve got to be kidding me.” exclaimed a distraught Musk Friday afternoon. “Someone on this bus has it, I know they do. Valet! Stop the bus this instant. One of these wretched ‘poors’ has my trillion, and I intend to reclaim every penny. Valet! Why are we still moving? This is not a joke, damn you. Someone has taken my trillion!”

Eyewitnesses were quick to refute Musk’s claim of larceny, however, including 43-year-old mother Diane Cermak.

“Oh, will you sit down? I’m sure nobody took your money, you hateful brute.” retorted Cermak, as nine-year-old Madison and eight-year-old Keith watched. “And if they had, how do you expect someone to conceal a trillion dollars? It’s just not possible. Clearly you must’ve lost this money elsewhere, no doubt on one of your harebrained corporate acquisitions. Sit down, fool, lest ye face the ire of everyone on this bus.”

Musk reportedly made no attempt to de-escalate the situation, even with several children and older riders present on the bus, according to bus driver Duane Bauer.

“He was in a blind rage at that point, just screaming and banging on the windows.” explained Bauer in a conversation with reporters. “It got so bad, I had to kick him off. I’m sure he’ll be back next week though. It’s always the same with him. He gets on the bus, gets frustrated by god knows what, and then starts going into a tirade about how he’s got a trillion dollars and an emerald mine and a spaceship, and he won’t be treated like this. Last week I heard him tell a lady he was the CEO of Twitter. Yeah, right, and I’m the Queen of Sheba.”

At press time, Musk is angrily trying to retrace his steps, but he keeps messing up cause, you know, he’s an idiot.