Michael B. Jordan Reconciles With Irish Vampire

LOS ANGELES — After receiving the Oscar for Best Picture, Sinners star Michael B. Jordan thought it was finally time to bury the stake and shake hands with famous Irish Vampire Conan O’Brien. Jordan expressed his reservations on the red carpet outside the event.

“It made us a little nervous when they made the announcement. Like we made this whole movie about fighting and killing Irish Vampires, then who do we see announced as the host of the Oscars this year? Conan! That’d be like if we made a movie about killing Nazis and it was Marco Rubio presenting the awards.”

Even though the entire cast held reservations about this year's Oscars host, they held out hope that any prejudice held by the host would not affect the votes of the academy. This proved not to be the case as the cast would later find out the entirety of the academy is composed of Irish vampires. Supporting Actress Wunmi Mosaku expressed outrage at the discovery online saying.

“THE ACADEMY OF MOTION PICTURE ARTS AND SCIENCES IS ENTIRELY IRISH VAMPIRES”

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences vehemently denied the vampiric allegations. Current President of the organization Lynette Howell Taylor gave a statement at a nighttime press briefing.

“The notion that we at The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, are of the Vampiric germ is preposterous.” Said President Taylor in a Gaelic dialect not spoken since the days of King Rory O’Connor.

At press time, the cast of Sinners is engaged in a Van Helsing suit-up montage. The Academy stronghold is prepping for their arrival. The ensuing battle is sure to win another Oscar next year.