Artemis II Crew Discover British Man and Dog on Moon

SPACE  — This week, four Astronauts made history in NASA’s first trip back to the moon since Apollo 17. Among other things, this mission planned to have astronauts circle the far side of the moon and set a new record for the furthest distance ever traveled from our planet. While taking approximately 10,000 photos during their lunar fly by, astronauts noticed something strange on the lunar surface. A man sitting unsuited on the lunar surface having a picnic with his dog. Commander Reid Wiseman gave this chilling report to mission control moments after the discovery. 

Wiseman: Houston we’ve got a problem. 

Mission Control: Artemis II what’s your status? 

Wiseman :Houston we appear to have a British man in a sweater vest picnicking on the lunar surface. 

Mission Control: Come again? 

Wiseman: Yeah, we’re all scared shitless. There appears to be a kooky civilian inventor, sitting on a picnic blanket with his dog. 

Mission Control: They’re not suited? 

Wiseman: No they are walking around in plain clothes on the lunar surface. 

After radioing in with the British Government, local officials confirmed that shortly before the take off of the Artemis II mission. A local inventor in Wigan Lancashire opened his front lawn like a garage door and blasted off to the moon in a home made space craft piloted by his dog. Prime Minister Keir Starmer gave this statement about the unauthorized launch. 

“We are just as surprised as the rest of the world. This isn’t the kind of thing you can really plan for. What sane person would expect an unemployed man to be building a space craft in his basement single handedly. Let alone one that functions. We agree that the actions of this man were reckless and criminally insane. The second he steps foot back on British soil, we promise to have him in custody.”

At press time, the Artemis II crew are still staring dumbfounded. The man and his dog have been observed slicing off pieces of the lunar surface with a butter knife and consuming it with tea and crackers. All attempts at contact with the man have failed, likely due to further issues with Microsoft Outlook.