Frog on Lily Pad Priced Out of Swamp

EVERGLADES — It’s no secret that it’s become harder than ever to buy and own a home here in the U.S. Approximately 35% of American families rent their home and many of those families have found their rents continuing to increase. These effects have extended far and wide, even to the swamp of local amphibian Michigan J. Frog (no relation). Our best herpetologists waded into the swamp to get the whole story straight from the frog's mouth. 

“I feel like I’m not even a man. Like what kind of Frog can’t even keep a stable pad. My wife and I are set to have tadpoles in the next couple days and I’m not sure where my children will begin the horrifying process of growing lungs.” 

Mr. Frog, like many long time residents in the swamp, has been noticing some startling changes in the community as of late. 

“It started off small. This little upturned log down the way can’t stay above water;  they get sold out to private equity. Then this beautiful Willow just around the river bend. One day they kick everyone out, gut the whole thing, and turn it into luxury apartments. Now the whole thing is just sitting empty!” 

Over the course of a year Mr. Frog and his wife Petunia have seen every one of their neighbors move out to more affordable parts of the swamp. Determined to find the root cause of all this change Petunia soon made a troubling discovery. 

“We’re the only original residents of the swamp left! I had to know what was happening. Not even five minutes on the computer and I figured it out. The rat wants our damn swamp.” 

The Rat Petunia referred to was none other than Disney CEO Bob Iger. The company had their eyes set on this section of swamp located just south of the Disney World property for years now. Years of focused lobbying within the local government had successfully rezoned the swamp for commercial use, and raised local property taxes nearly 30%. A hike in cost that was passed directly onto the local wildlife. 

At press time, Petunia and Michigan J. Frog are forced with the slippery task of relocating their clutch of nearly 2,000 fertilized eggs to a more affordable part of the swamp. The spot where their lily pad once stood is set to become the site of the brand new Land of Zootopia.