John Davidson Given Microphone, Seat of Honor at State Of The Union Address

WASHINGTON  — Impressed with his performance last Sunday at the BAFTA’s, President Trump insisted on booking Scottish Activist John Davidson for this year's State of the Union Address. When asked about potential war with Iran the President elaborated at length on the decision to book Davidson. 

“I wasn’t watching the baftas, hate the British. Melania should have won every bafta. Not my wife, the movie, well my wife in the movie about my wife. But the next day I see all these wonderful clips of the broadcast where this hero, really that’s the only word to call him. He was out there owning the libs, owning them in ways we haven’t seen for a while. That’s when I knew we just had to have him.” 

Davidson initially declined the offer. The well known Tourette's Syndrome activist clarified, saying that he was in no way making any kind of political statement with his medical condition. But it made little difference to President Trump. 

“Even better! Some of the best political statements I’ve ever made have been accidental. I always say what makes a truly great political statement, is plausible deniability. Even if he is telling the truth, we here in the U.S. love Turrets. Mounted on a tank, our automated outside an estate, they are hands down the best way to mow down rows of the disenfranchised.” 

Despite the activists' reservations (Outback Steakhouse 7:30 for 2) Davidson did eventually agree to a fifteen minute opener for the president. 

“I figured that even if I'm there for the wrong reasons, I may still be able to make a difference.” said the activist, seemingly forgetting he would be addressing the U.S. Government. 

At press time, President Trump is napping in preparation to be up past 8:30. Mr. Davidson is being flown in on Air Force One, and is looking forward to addressing Congress alongside musical guests Kid Rock and Nicki Minaj.