Kash Patel Parties With F1 Cast After Oscars Win

LOS ANGELES — FBI Director Kash Patel was spotted drinking and carrying on with the cast of F1 after the Academy Awards Ceremony Sunday night. Eyewitness report Patel arrived uninvited and promptly began drinking heavily and antagonizing members of the cast.

"Yeah [the cast and crew] were pretty psyched after taking Best Sound." said F1 Key Grip Joel Argyle. "So we went to this local dive to celebrate. We're having some drinks, moping together. Then, one of the guys at the bar leans over to me and says 'Hey, is that that FBI guy?' I look up and there's Kash. I don't know what the hell he was doing there."

Talking to reporters nearby, FBI Director Patel insisted that people did, in fact, want him there.

"What're you talking about?" said Patel before pausing to contemplate a bottle of gin. "Of course the cast wanted me here. I'm not ruining anything. Plus, I figured 'I'm the director of the FBI and I want to meet them,' and I usually get what I want."

The F1 cast themselves were mostly trying to avoid eye contact with Patel and revel in their achievement, explained Javier Bardem.

"Yeah.... we did not expect to see him there," said Bardem, who plays Ruben Cervantes in F1. "He kept trying to talk to us and buy us drinks. We thought maybe he was waiting for someone but no, he was there to see us. At one point he grabbed me and asked 'Do you like to party?' At the time, I thought it was innocent but now that I think about it.... I think he wanted to sell me cocaine."

At press time, most of the cast have gone home, along with the rest of the bar's patrons, a mass exodus likely caused by Patel's abysmal TouchTunes picks.