MARSHFIELD, Wis. — Local police officer Donny Lorenz received high praise from colleagues and civilians alike last week, after a heroic roadside rescue. The Marshfield PD Sergeant leapt into action Thursday night to score some sweet grass, glass, and cash from a blazing vehicle on the side of the road, eyewitnesses report. "It was incredible, like something out of an action movie," said local man Phil Pratt. "I could see the smoke from a mile away. I pulled over a couple hund

MINOT AIR FORCE BASE, ND — Senior Airman Frank Holland was among the first Americans to foresee the oncoming conflict with Iran, when late last February he discovered nearly all of the ballistics stored in his facility displayed a best by date of March 1st, 2026. In an interview with reporters last week, Airman Holland further explained the weight of his discovery.  “Do you have any idea what the budget request was for the U.S. Military in 2025? 849.8 Billion Dollars!" exclai

WASHINGTON — Former DHS Secretary Kristi Noem has been handpicked to lead a local kill shelter close to the Capitol, President Trump announced in a press conference Saturday. The move comes after President Trump's removal of Kristi Noem from her post as head of Homeland Security last week, with President Trump expressing high hopes for her new position. "Frankly, I think Kristi is going to do very well in her new role." said President Trump, "She was doing absolutely spectacu

LONDON — Former CIA Agents Black Spy and Niegel "Numbuh 1" Uno blew the whistle on the United States' notorious intelligence agency last week during an appearance on the British podcast The Diary of a CEO. The two ex-agents' appearance came hot on the tails of a similar interview with former CIA agent John Kiriakou on the same show, though each guest took a markedly different approach to the interview in comparison to Kiriakou. "My time with the agency was wonderful." reveale

ARBY’S KITCHEN -- Last night, amidst the final stretch of the midnight drive-thru dinner rush, experienced line cook Jeff proposed the staff engage in a discussion of global conflicts to make the work fly by.  Rookie cashier Luis Fonz chimed into the conversation shouting, “Oh yeah, what’s happening in Sudan right now is crazy dude, glad the RSF is protecting the communities and citizens that really matter, finally some half decent change is happening around there.” He said w

WASHINGTON -- Last week, Democrats in both the House and Senate held out against their Republican counterparts, demanding immediate ICE reform However, several Congressional Democrats have already confirmed that they are willing to settle for much, much less. "Obviously, we hope to finally put a stop to the atrocities being carried out by the DHS." said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries, "But at the same time, diplomacy is all about compromise, and we're willing to give u