Pile of Landry Folded Self

Dayton, OH — 26 year-old Douglas Nash has been living at home, while he plans out his next few career moves. After repeated altercations between Nash and his parents over the cleanliness of his living space, Nash was ready to pack it up and live in his car. But then a miracle took place, as Nash later told press. 

“I had absolutely had it with my folks. They were non-stop on my case saying, clean this, pick up that. I was ready to pack it up and head for Disney’s Celebration Village. But when I went to stuff all my clothes into a trash bag, everything was gone. I thought my folks had thrown everything out but I looked and everything was clean, folded, and put away in my dresser.” 

Nash naturally assumed that his parents had done the cleaning as there was no one else in the home at the time. But after thanking them for cleaning the space, Nash discovered they hadn’t done the folding either. 

“Douggie was always a filthy little child,” said Nash’s Mother Barbara. “He would come in from  playing with the neighbors and track mud all over the carpet. His room was always covered with dirty clothes. When he asked to move back in we had hoped he’d grown out of all that. But nope, just as messy as ever.” 

“I’m having to ask my grown adult son to put his dirty drawers in the hamper!” said Nash’s Father Walter. “So finally we had it. We were heading up there to him to hit the road. But we go in and everything is tidy as can be! We thought we finally got through to him, but later we found out he thought it was us.” 

After a brief period of confusion, Nash’s parents decided to check the security tape. Thankfully the couple was suspicious their son was sneaking gold fish out of the kitchen and attracting ants. So they installed a spy cam in his bedroom. But nothing could have prepared them for what they saw. 

“In a brilliant flash of light a naked old man appeared in my bedroom. I looked closer and it was me!’ Said Nash. “He looked around for a sec at all the mess, and seemed really disappointed in himself. Then he just folded the laundry, and faded out of existence. Some pretty messed up stuff must have happened in the timeline where that laundry was left unfolded. I was completely naked and missing an arm!” 

At press time, Nash has landed a job dislodging logs at a sawmill and expects to move out of his parents house within the month. Within days of the events with his future self, a Terminator style robot was also sent backwards in time and is currently working its way through the dishes.