Roommate Slain with Tomato-Stained Tupperware

CHICAGO — December 17th started the same as any other day, at the residence of Walter Higgins and Thomas Gallagher. But unfortunately for Mr. Gallagher Wednesday was cleaning day. While doing the dishes Mr. Higgins found something that pushed him over the edge. The last of his pristine tupperware sitting in the sink, caked in tomato sauce. Mr. Higgins said this in his statement to the police. 

“It was my last, mother fucking one god dam it. I had a clean full set when I moved in with that rat fuck. Now not even two months later and he’s stained the full fucking lot of them. One I can understand, you accidentally leave something in the sink too long. No harm no foul. But the entire ten piece set? That’s intentional negligence and the deepest disrespect. Dismemberment was my only option.” 

On the evening of December 17th at approximately 9pm, one of their neighbors was disturbed by the sound of a loud argument between the two roommates. They contacted authorities a few hours later when the argument had apparently escalated to physical violence. But nothing could have prepared Chief Officer Paulie Fierrio for what he would find later that evening upon entering the scene. 

“It was like nothing I’d ever seen. Over two decades on the force, I’ve seen some pretty gruesome stuff. But this was some next level butchery. This guy's face was completely unrecognizable. Beaten fully to a pulp from the neck up with that cheap ass Tupperware. I could see how someone could do some damage with one of those sturdy glass containers. But to do that to a man with that flimsy cheap plastic, must’ve taken some serious ingenuity.” 

Mr. Higgins plead guilty to a count of Murder in the Second Degree, and was sentenced to 40 years in prison without the possibility of parole. During the trail Mr. Higgins expressed little to no remorse. Stating during his testimony. 

“I would do it again in a heartbeat. I would do it a million times over if I could. Because it’s the simplest thing in the world to avoid. You just rinse stuff off after you use it or don’t store certain stuff in those containers. But that piece of shit, couldn’t be bothered. Let my actions be a lesson for roommates everywhere. Clean up after yourselves because you never know when the person you’re living with may very well snap.” 

At press time Walter Higgins is settling in at Cook County Correctional Facility. His story has gained popularity on social media. Roommates from across the country have been posting pictures of household messes with the hashtag free Higgins. Mr. Gallagher’s funeral was postponed until his relatives could find a single article of Mr. Gallagher's clothing with which to bury him in, that isn’t stained with tomato sauce.