Beautiful Sunset Ruined by Fear of the Dark

LOS ANGELES — 32 Year Old Eddie Osborne was devastated this past weekend, when after a romantic evening with his girlfriend panic started to set in. Despite the perfect day with the perfect woman, staring at a seaside sunset all Eddie was able to think of was the oncoming darkness. Eddie later recounted the evening saying.  

“It was a bit of a mood killer as you might imagine. One minute we’re sitting there and it’s a beautiful afternoon at the beach. Then out of fucking nowhere dusk is approaching. I tried to tell Kelly, hey we need to go like NOW. But she wanted to stay a little longer. No matter how much I begged and pleaded she wanted to stay there and actually watch the fucking sun set. When I tried explaining to her that once the sun set the darkness would be all around us she didn’t seem to care. So I said fuck it, and got the hell up out of there.” 

After fleeing the scene of the date Eddie proceeded immediately back to his place of residence and hid under the bed. Despite this unusual behavior Kelly told reporters that she was far from surprised. 

“I’ll admit the first time I was a little taken aback. On one of our first dates we went to see a movie. The second the lights went down the dude started wailing, and didn’t let up until the Trolls had finished their world tour. Afterwards when I asked him what the hell all that was for he called me crazy for not being afraid of what he called the Three G’s Ghouls, Goblins, and Gnomes. Apparently the three things that hide in the dark.” 

While this abnormal behavior would’ve sent most women running for the hills. Kelly had recently gone through a bad breakup and with the winter months rapidly approaching, the prospect of any warm body with which to spend the winter months was too good to pass up. Kelly further justified her decision to reporters saying. 

“Listen, everyone has something that’s a little weird about them. Like I hate Honeydew. But do we let ourselves be defined by our worst parts? No, so when Eddie can’t stay out past 4:30 during daylight savings, I try to look for the positives, like his 14 inch cock. 

At press time, Eddie is going to therapy in an attempt to combat his fear of the dark. His therapist confirms that while progress is slow he is down to only three nightlights. Kelly has started seeing a therapist as well, with the goal of building up her self image. Until she either has the confidence to dump Eddie or can enjoy sex with the lights on.