Boyfriend Insists This Movie Way Less Sexist When He’s by Himself

DENVER — On Friday 25 year old Martha Pullman got into a heated argument with her boyfriend, 23 year old Max Denton. The conflict came about during their weekly movie night after Max had picked one of his favorite films. When the movie was over Max was flabbergasted and explained to Martha that the movie was way less sexist when he’s by himself. Something strange had happened. 

“I have no idea what happened! I’m no physicist but best as I can figure it was some kind of Schrodinger's Bechdel test. Wherein the act of observation from my girlfriend physically changed the events of the film into something sexist. She was pissed, but I told her we had just witnessed something incredible and this phenomena needed to be studied.” 

By early Monday morning Max Denton had set up a lab in MIT, working to further document other cases of this phenomena. The data collected from him and his team proved Max’s theory with staggering results. 

“We have over fifty documented cases of this phenomena we’ve dubbed feminine observational induced narrative shift (FOINS). Wherein during the observation of a film by a wife or girlfriend the plot is changed into something sexist, through some process we’ve yet to understand. We’ve found numerous examples such as Indiana Jones, Revenge of the Nerds, James Bond, Fast and the Furious, and the entire John Hughes Catalog. What’s most fascinating however is that after sexism has been observed in a film it is impossible to unsee, leaving us to wonder if it somehow had been there the whole time.” 

After hearing about Denton’s research, the President contributed upwards of 15 million taxpayer dollars to further fund the project. Stating to press that he believes some variation of this effect has happened to his entire life. He hopes that by further understanding this phenomena, that sexism or at least the observation of sexism could be eliminated entirely. He elaborated at length on the topic saying.

“I love Papaya. It's an amazing fruit, a wonderful fruit. I eat a lot of fruit like anyone would tell you. I’d eat vegetables too but they’re not quite as tasty most of the time. I know they’re good for you but I’m in really good shape, excellent shape. So I can afford to indulge a little bit here and there. But basically it’s all lies.” 

At press time Mr. Denton is continuing his work on the subject and has rapidly become one of the world's premier feminist thought leaders. His now Ex Girlfriend Ms. Pullman has moved his belongings onto the curb outside and is awaiting garbage pickup. Mr. Dentons research into the root cause of FOINS has hit a wall, as all researchers working on the project are now single.