Paint 'N' Sip Turns Into Chug 'N' Vomit

ANDERSONVILLE  — Last Sunday at Chicago Paint and Spirits, Linda Holden and her group of girlfriends attended a Paint and Sip event. The squad, who refer to themselves as Josie and the Pussygyatts, had attended many events at this establishment without incident. But this time they had apparently taken one sip too many. Owner of the business Ms. Martha Foss detailed the events of the evening to reporters.

“We’ve been seeing the Pussygyatts come in monthly for almost a year now. They seemed like nice enough ladies. Loud, but nice enough. It wasn’t until last month that I noticed one of them was noticeably quieter than usual. I brushed it off and didn’t think much of it. But this month when Linda stumbled through the door I knew something was wrong” 

According to sources within the group, Ms. Linda Holden and her husband Ron had been going through a rough patch these past couple months. In January they had a big fight prompting Linda's silence during that month's paint and sip. The group had hoped things would get better by the next gathering, which was unfortunately booked for February the 15th. They could not have been more wrong, as Ms. Deborah Trig would tell you. 

“I got a call around 3:30 in the morning that Sunday after Valentine's day. My man had just taken me out to this fabulous five course dinner and live magic event. Rare Meat and Magical Feats, it was called. So I was still half asleep when I got the call. It was Linda, and she was bawling so hysterically I couldn’t understand a word she was saying.” 

After the events of Sunday's paint and sip, local police got the full story. Saturday evening Ron had completely forgotten about Valentine's day, sending Linda into a blind fury. In a panic, Ron left the house and was seen buying a grocery store bouquet at 10:45 PM. This would be the last anyone would ever see of Ron Holden. Officer Harold Foster gave us the rest of the story. 

“Well we got the call at 9 PM that Sunday. Apparently a woman had gotten hammered drunk at a Paint and Sip event and had already punched her way through half a dozen canvases. We get a least two calls a week from this place, so we knew the drill. By the time we got there she was passed out in a pile of paint-stained aprons. We were ready to drag her out until the owner told us they were concerned about her painting. It looked to be a picture of a man bleeding from the eyes, with a cheap bouquet stuffed into his open mouth. It wasn’t half bad. But when we went to do a wellness check we saw that she had actually gone and done it. 

At press time, Linda is awaiting trial for murder in the second degree. Owner of Chicago Paint and Spirits, Martha Foss is still attempting to remove Ms. Holden's vomit from the curtains, and the remaining members of the Pussygyatts have decided to take a cooking class next month.