Coachella Missed Connections

Various
Apr 21
2 min read

Gemini Photo Booth Hottie

Me, waiting with my friends for the Gemini Photo Booth. You, flashed the camera with your friend, left before it printed. AI Remix left your face unrecognizable. But your body spoke for itself.

White Claw Witch

You were espousing the wonders of wicca with your friends at the White Claw booth. You looked to be mid-50’s, 120lbs, all skin. You were talking me through a recipe for a protection spell and I just couldn’t look away from your soulful, sun-damaged eyes, but I was too nervous to ask for your number.

Justin Bieber VIP

Be my Baby???? Me, a 38 Year Old Tech Worker, You, a 20-50 Year Old in a Micro Bikini. We locked eyes mouthing the chorus to Justin Bieber's Hit Song. I meant every word, I felt like you did too.

Medical Tent Zaddy

You dosed me with Narcan after a little too much fent during the Freak Slug set. Your slicked-back hair and toned biceps were the first thing I saw when I came to. I OD’d again the next night, hoping you’d be there, but your coworker said you’d gone back to Anaheim.

Coca-Cola Pop Shop

We shared a lukewarm soda surrounded by AI Polar Bears. You left before I could get your name. If you happen to see this, I’ll have a “Share a Coke With: ” bottle with your name on it.

James Charles?

It was dark but you looked just like James Charles and you took me back home on your private jet that looked just like James Charles private jet and we went in your house that looked just like James Charles house and we went on your bed that looked just like James Charles bed and you gave me your Snapchat that had the same exact username as James Charles Snapchat. Thank you for the unforgettable night mystery man….

Heineken House Hunk

You were throwing up outside the Heineken House. I was also throwing up at the Heineken House. I think it was meant to be.

Female Friend Group

I snap-backed that tight g string and you shrieked “HELL NAH”. All your friends ganged up on me and hit me with purses, there were so many coins it left bruises on my back and torso. Not looking for anything serious but would love to grab a coffee.

Sahara Bathroom Sweetie

You let me take your place in line for the Sahara bathroom, which was fortuitous because I really had the runs. They really need to put a warning on those Bang Bang Noodles. Anyways I’d love to take you out to dinner to say thanks. (NOT BANG BANG NOODLES)