Psychiatrist Prescribes 3 Hours of Scrolling Twice Per Day

SPRINGFIELD, Mo. — Local woman Annie LaSalle was shocked during a routine psychiatry appointment last week when her psychiatrist of three years, Dr. Leslie Eckert, prescribed LaSalle no less than three hours of scrolling, to be undertaken twice per day.

“I mean, it sounded odd at first, but I guess she’s the doctor,” said LaSalle, who has struggled with General Anxiety Disorder since she was a teen. “If she thinks that firing up Instagram and burning through maybe 300, 400 reels a couple times a day is what’s best, then who am I to argue?”

Dr. Eckert was quick to justify her decision to reporters during an interview Wednesday night.

“Yeah, I told Anne to scroll. So what?” explained Eckert, unprompted and seemingly without any regard for her patient’s right to privacy. “The girl’s a nutjob. Always worrying, worrying, worrying. It’s like good Lord, woman. Give it a rest! She needs to just chill and watch some damn tiktok’s or something. I saw this great one where these guys in Pakistan launched a tire into the sky. Can you believe it? And if that doesn’t work, I’ll prescribe her a joint or something. People make this stuff a lot harder than it needs to be.”

While many see Dr. Eckert’s methods as unorthodox and silly, many of her patients couldn’t disagree more.

“I love Dr. Eckert. I’ve been seeing her about my depression and you know what she told me? She said ‘If going to work depresses you so much, just stop going.’ So I did. It was that easy. Now I just stay in my apartment all day. Well, I call it ‘my’ apartment. Technically my lease was up three months ago, but Dr. Eckert told me not to worry about it. I’m a full-time squatter now, and it is just doing wonders for my mental health.”

At press time, Dr. Eckert has embarked on a book tour for her memoir, The Eckert Story: Debunking the Myth of ‘Mental Health’.