BOWLING ALLEY ARCADE  — Fans of Big Buck Hunter were excited to hear the announcement of the newest addition to the franchise. Founder of Play Mechanix George Petro attended the launch held at Waveland Bowl last Friday to deliver the announcement in person that, “The New Big Buck Hunter Mandates You Use Every Part of the Animal”.  “That’s right, I know you thought we couldn’t top our last game Ultimate Trophy, and you’d be right. That was one hell of a game." said Petro, "But

SCHAUMBURG IL — “Yeah this whole section is going to have to be redone,” Said Foreman Mike Limbazo, shaking his head at pop star Sabrina Carpenter. After several grueling months on tour, Sabrina Carpenter told press she looked forward to devoting more time to her namesake and true passion, carpentry. But after landing a framing job with a local company Ms. Carpenter quickly received some stark criticism. “You forgot a header over this window opening, so there’s no world wher

LOS ANGELES — 32 Year Old Eddie Osborne was devastated this past weekend, when after a romantic evening with his girlfriend panic started to set in. Despite the perfect day with the perfect woman, staring at a seaside sunset all Eddie was able to think of was the oncoming darkness. Eddie later recounted the evening saying.   “It was a bit of a mood killer as you might imagine. One minute we’re sitting there and it’s a beautiful afternoon at the beach. Then out of fucking nowh

CHICAGO — December 17th started the same as any other day, at the residence of Walter Higgins and Thomas Gallagher. But unfortunately for Mr. Gallagher Wednesday was cleaning day. While doing the dishes Mr. Higgins found something that pushed him over the edge. The last of his pristine tupperware sitting in the sink, caked in tomato sauce. Mr. Higgins said this in his statement to the police.  “It was my last, mother fucking one god dam it. I had a clean full set when I moved

BOISE, Idaho – Amidst ballooning mortgage costs and the looming threat of another recession, cash-strapped pets in Idaho and across the United States have all but given up hope on the prospect of homeowning, quadripedal sources confirm. “The market really is ruff [sic] right now, especially for younger pets.” said Luna, a local Pekingese. “With so many pets struggling to make ends meet as it is, home ownership is the last thing on our minds. So for now, we’re stuck in this he

FORT WORTH, TX — 14 Year Old Riley Jackson had heard about the cuts to school spending across the country. But having attended school online for the past three years, Riley assumed that he would be unaffected. This rapidly proved not to be the case as Riley’s Mother/Principal would tell you.  “We run a pretty tight ship here at Jackson Family Education. Our student body is currently a single student. You would think with class sizes this small we would be able to stretch our